The Desire to Reconnect That Feels Impossible

I know I am no longer part of your life.
You do not hold me as precious as before.
I am to you no more than a pebble lying in the dirt.

Deep in my mind, I still cling to the past,
to the youth of yours that once charmed me most.

I acknowledge the pain I caused you,
the way I left your tender heart tattered, torn, and worn,
because I chose a path so jagged,
a path that accommodated only me and no one else.

I am still walking that same road, tired and drained.
I think of you often these days,
trembling to ask for a new beginning as friends.

I am so exhausted I can no longer defend myself
against the harshness you wish to return to me,
as though in quiet revenge.

I wish you had met me with maturity,
with the grace that allows a genuine new friendship.

Yet I still believe you have not changed much;
you stand ready with your sharp sword,
prepared to cut through my heart and tear me apart.

It may not be possible for us to reconnect as true, healthy friends.
Perhaps the wisest choice is to let go of your memory,
though that feels almost impossible for me.

Arshia Sultana

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